Staying safe and sane at work

This title may surprise some readers. The words 'safe' and 'sane' are probably not words we may use a lot to do with work. When we say 'safe' we mean a state of feeling good or at least OK - emotional wellbeing. Not feeling threatened or capsized. When we use the word 'sane' we likewise refer to being balanced, stable and established. We use these words as there are currents, dilemmas and events in the workplace that that really do challenge our sense of safety and sanity. When people use phrases like 'Work is driving me mad' you get an idea of where we are coming from. So how do we maintain our safety and sanity in a world and work that is constantly moving and changing? 

We would like to offer this article to look at three aspects of the problem.

Outside Work
There is a  symbiotic relationship between work and our life outside work. One affects the other. In fact what happens in one can overshadow and sour the other if we are not careful. Therefore, can we maintain our work sanity and safety by what we do outside? If people have positive activities outside work this gives an powerful resource to deal with work stresses and difficulties. Each will have our own practices to achieve this. The  list is long - walking, swimming, working out, meditation, reading, dancing and so on. What we think they all have in common is that they take us out of ourselves or maybe away from our problems and actually into our authentic selves. In getting this bit right we create a good 'work problem' detox programme as well as finding ways to grow and develop. If we can get side of life right we have somewhere to go and be re-energised and refreshed. The business world is building 'quiet rooms'into their offices and building mindfulness and meditation into their work programmes. They realise the need and are prepared to bring it into the office and service space. 

Inside Work
   In work we may face lots of things that can make us feel upset and stressed. If these continue and worsen it can start to impact us on different levels - sleep, patience, hope, certainty, physical, emotional and mental levels. There are work services to support staff such as HR, staff counselling, coaching and talking to one's trade union. Usually when we have a problem there are three things we can do. They are all simple and well known. The strange thing is that we often don't do them or only do one or two but not all three. We'll mention them now as ways to start resolving what may challenge our work sanity and safety. They are
(1) See the Source - think and reflect on what is causing the problem. Don't focus so much on the effects but what is the cause.
(2) Speak to another. We can get things wrong and most of us benefit from reality checking. It's easy to see  just through an emotional lense or a fear lense. Another perspective from a colleague with insight can really help.
(3) Act. Decide that you have a choice here. Decide what you need to appropriately do and take the first step.
 We realise fear, busyness, tiredness, etc all get in the way here. But if we don't act things won't change. This path can certainly demand courage, resolution and support but the only way to a resolution is through addressing the issue. In addressing it too it is good to think of how we might manage this. How we need to be polite, professional and clear and what support we will need. This road is often difficult. It is also a road through which much valuable self discovery and self worth can emerge.

Inside Ourselves
The third of our three areas is us - ourselves. It is an admission that we can contribute to a problem or an issue at work that causes work to be a place of threat and stress. It is where we stop blaming the economy, the manager or a work colleague and own our responses and approach. We may have a number of emotions or states that we don't like but which play a part. These may include feeling very vulnerable and scared, anger. wishing to undermine others, ego, jealousy, hopelessness and passive aggressive features. We are not equating these states as some come from different places. We note them to recognise that we all need to realise the stones or pebbles we are throwing into the work pond. We may not always recognise our behaviour patterns or how we play out situations. We may when confronted by another or by our own awareness say "Well that's me! That's the way I am wired. I can't change."

Looking at our inner states will mean us facing parts of us we don't like or even deny. Yet this is part of the journey. Facing ourselves as we are is the road. One of the most eminent psycho-analysts in history Carl Jung said, “Where we stumble and fall is where we find pure gold.” Seeing and naming the problem is the fundamental.  Putting this together we would respectfully suggest a programme for positive and real change begins when we 

(1) See the inner issue

(2) Accept it as part of us but recognise that we are not pieces of wood or stone. We have the freedom to change. Accept that we can be different

(3) recognise that change will make us better people and possibly our work life better for ourselves and others. 

From here we can start to look for what we need to do to change and grow. This might mean using counselling or other disciplines. What this adds up to is a new perspective. It is a recognition that none of us is perfect and that growth is a wonderful and tremendous possibility for us all. This is a transformation that can work good in other areas of our life other than work. John remembers many years ago visiting a client in prison outside of Leeds. He was there for a violent crime. In the visit he was angry about what had happened to him. John then visited a few weeks later. He was in a very different frame of mind and outlook. He had been visited in the interim by a nun who worked with homeless people in Leeds called Sister Eileen Carroll. Eileen, who died a few years ago, was such a positive force for good in the lives of homeless people in this city. She had spoken to him about the need to let go and how holding onto this was only really hurting him. The words must have sunk into our friend's heart and mind as when we visited him he accepted he was in prison for a crime he had committed, that he was to serve his time and wouldn't hold any grudge. And that's what he did. He's never been back to prison. He had faced his own inner feelings and state, listened to a wise person and then let a new pathway open us which he followed. Change is always possible and we hold in our hands the keys to open the door to change. Change should always be infused with wisdom and patience. We cannot change things or particularly ourselves overnight. We can however take the first step right now to a better life and us if we wish. Let's take it. 

Lisa Falkingham. Service Improvement Team. Leeds Community Healthcare
John Walsh. York Street Health Practice. Leeds Community Healthcare

Holding it all together

This post starts with the story of a friend of ours. She works in a large global business and her name is Pat. Pat has worked there for seven years and is presently in an office which works with staff counselling. She loves her job and finds it deeply rewarding. She says, "I am so lucky to be in a place where I can spend time with people who make a difference every day and I really believe my added value comes in supporting others." The concern for Pat is that she may be moved back to her old department. This wouldn't be a disaster but will take Pat away from where she has found such growth and life. Her current post is described by her as a ground for exploring and discovering for herself and others what she can offer. Her words express this powerfully, "My role has enabled me to flourish and pursue my passions...using my skills to support others to reach their potential, recognise their strengths and skills and also to identify needs...Honesty, difference, challenge, enthusiasm, resistance have become my food, my motivation. Where there is energy there is hope and potential." Pat faces three challenges here. The first is what happens if they move her. The second is how does she manage the process until the decision comes through. The last concern is are these thoughts wants or needs? These are deep questions. In this post we will offer a possible answer to our friend. In it we will try to touch on what is essential here. We hope there might be life lessons here for us all.

The first worry is the big 'What if'' question. In Pat's case it is a 'may well happen' statement. A number of things are interesting here. It's amazing how we often we can go to the worst possible place when a change is a possible outcome. We can worry and think the very worst will happen. Why do we think the worst? Why are so many of us more likely to think the worst than the best? We think a possible answer is that we haven't reached that place yet of holding our life and it's determination in our hands yet. A place called inner freedom. In history we often hear about the right of countries to self determination. It was one of the big arguments against the large Empires. Countries must have the right to govern their own destinies and futures. It's not always the case that we exercise this right with ourselves. We either deny we have any power or give it away. When we worry in such a way we are really saying 'I have no power. I can't control anything here. I have no choices.' The truth is that worry is very common and a paralyzer of our life and energies.

The problem is that it is a mental prison and we need freedom. We need to be someone who owns their life and destiny. Not easy. Maybe big tough decisions but that is what freedom entails and gives. It gives the possibility of living in a new, fresh and abundant way. Pat realised this and sought places and strategies to not walk in to these dark domains of worry and fear. She accepted what might happen and that if it did she would have choices to make. She would make them and take the next step by placing one foot in front of the other. If what she didn't wished happened she would work with it. She might decide to leave or stay. The decision actually became secondary in her life. What mattered was how she got there. It had to be in a way that she owned her dignity and life. The journey became the key focus.

The second thing was how was she to manage her process during these tough months of not knowing. Her words are revealing here. Pat talks about "I can chose to enjoy today; I can see what I want and I can strive and do what I can to work toward that. I've talked to people in the organisation. I realise is that I get strength, not from the talking but from the doing." Pat knew she couldn't control or predict the future. She knew to live in the future was only possible in her head. What she did have - concretely and really right in front of her - was today. She could take the day and make it into the best possible. Pat was actually a difference maker because she focused on the present and made it the best.  It's not always easy but is the way. Of course we have to plan and make decisions. However we always do that in the present for the future. We are not mean't to live in the future. Paradoxically by owning herself and the present Pat was making the future. What she also saw was that to let go of the fears is freedom but feels like awfulness to start with. Pat believes all will probably be well. She does this because she has seen it work out well a thousand times before. She also knows that her worry often tells her untruths. If we thread these strands together we find a self ownership of herself in the process, a focus on the present and a belief that things would somehow come around. She lived in what might be called a state of hopeful tension. There were moments of worry and unrest but also hope and a look to a future while being anchored in the now.

The last thing was Pat's questioning of her motives and reasons. Was this needs or wants? It's a good question. Sometimes what we call need is actually just what we want. How do we tell the difference? One suggestion might be that a need is a thing we require at this moment for our deep development and growth. It's something which is essential to our becoming who and what we are. It may not be essential tomorrow but it is today. Without it our authentic growth would come to a halt. Or perhaps key aspects of it would. Pat described her role as "a role which has enabled me to flourish and pursue my passions ...using my skills to support others to reach their potential". It sounds like Pat needs this role as it helps her see and release her skills and gifts. The big challenge to Pat will be that if she is moved will she have the same space to grow and flow? Kate Cowie in her amazing book 'Finding Merlin. A Handbook For The Human Development Journey In Our New Organisational World' makes a key point on this. She writes that, "if our working environment is not providing us with the stimulation we need - our responsibility to ourselves is to seek an alternative place of work, one which will foster ( rather than hold in abeyance or,worse, stymie) our ongoing growth." We can confuse our needs with our wants usually due to powerful emotions dominating the picture. We can also fail to note our needs. This brings us back to where we started - the giving away of our power. Our needs are important. They call and grow us. We shouldn't ignore them. In a busy 24-7 world where everything is go this may sound like luxury. It's actually life itself.

 Living with uncertainty isn't easy. Holding it together can be real challenge. Pat shows us not only that it can be done but one way how it can be done. Some of the best wisdom is that found in the market place and there where the Pat's of this world live and teach the rest of us if only we will stop and listen.

 Lisa Falkingham. Service Improvement Team.Leeds Service Improvement Team

 John Walsh. Support Manager. York Street Health Practice. Leeds Community Healthcare NHS Trust      

A tale of two mentors

We don't know anyone who is a great health professional who has not had some form of mentoring. Mentoring can come in different shapes and sizes. It may be near or remote. It may be long term or for a short period. We seem to be made for mentoring. We need that 'other' to challenge, shape and support our journey. They often see what we don't. They bring out what is hidden. They are living mirrors reflecting back to us our values and qualities. They can somehow unearth what lies buried in the depths of our personalities and hopes. We would like to share a story of mentoring where a bright and caring young woman found her light in a difficult situation.

This is a true story. It is the story of a person known to us. The person is a a young woman called Paula who was aged 16 years old when this story begins. She lived with her parents and found a Saturday job in the South of England where she lived. The job was in a shop that sold all sorts. She described it as selling everything "from Anadin to kits for brewing your own beer."  The owner was a gentle man in his late years. He was kind to Paula and she loved the job. He retired and the business was sold to a man who became the new proprietor and manager.

While the new manager was supportive to other staff he seemed to take an instance dislike to Paula. He would always find fault. "Everything I did was wrong!" she recounts. She was accused of talking to the customers too much. Paula didn't earn a fortune in the shop yet the new boss started docking her wages when things were not to his satisfaction. These are her words of how it affected her.

"He constantly picked away at my confidence."

"I was faced with shifting expectations that I could never meet. Most hurtful of all, it was obvious that I was one of a few special targets, while he was satisfied with a  similar level  of work or effort from others."

"So, how did I survive in the shop.. as things got worse and worse? Not particularly well... After my shift finished I would often cry on the bus back home."

Things came to a head when Paula was talking to and helping a customer. After the customer left the boss attacked her verbally saying, "Who do you think you are girl! This is my shop and you will do as I tell you." Paula was afraid and left the next week. It was a real heartbreak as Paula had connected with the customers and cared for them. She says, "I was so sad as I missed all the regulars who came in... missed the stories, hearing about their families , their lives. I missed being part of that community. It made me realize  though, how much I enjoyed contact with general public & perhaps my calling was nursing." Paula went on to train as a nurse.

Years later when Paula was newly qualified as a nurse the door opened at her first clinic. Her first patient was an old face from the past. It was her old manager. Paula froze and a long talk took place. Paula explained how she was made to feel in the shop. The man broke down in tears and said how sorry he was. He went on to explain his domestic problems at the time. He also talked about how his health had deteriorated. Paula felt compassion for him and found  it in her heart to forgive him.

This story has a number of life lessons in it. The first is that should never treat others badly because we feel bad. The man was suffering and as result was projecting his pain onto others. This is never right. The answer is always to seek ways to hold and deal with it not transmit it. The second is that the saying "every cloud has a silver lining" is true in many cases. The awful situation for Paula turned out to the place where she found out her life vocation. Sometimes it is in the darkness that we find the light. At the little shop where Paula loved her job and suffered so much was where she found her path. The next life lesson is that the person who is meant to mentor or lead us might not be the one we actually get our help and support from. Paula did not get supportive and caring mentoring from her boss. Sometimes the spaces that are meant to nourish and develop us don't. We shouldn't always be surprised. We just need to look elsewhere to receive what we need. The last lesson is that Paula found the support and help she needed in the customers who visited the little shop. They were her help and support. These everyday people were her true mentors. There is a real lesson here. Everyday wisdom is everywhere. All we need is an open heart and mind to access it. Paula did and because of those true mentors - those ordinary folk going into the shop - she has served the sick and infirmed in her role as a nurse for years. Powerful stuff this everyday wisdom!

John Walsh. Support Manager. York Street Health Practice
Louise Brady. Clinical & Strategic Development Lead Practice Nursing. NHS Manchester CCG's North, Central & South 

 

The bad sister

There is a film many of us have watched. It's called 'Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?' and it was released in 1962. It featured two of the foremost actresses of the time, Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. It's a powerful and gripping movie. It's also pretty disturbing. As a film it was very popular at the time. It was nominated for five Academy Awards and won one. It's the story of two sisters who live together. One was a child film star - Baby Jane. The other watched on from the sidelines but late became a film star herself. This sister ends up paralysed. In the mansion where they live Baby Jane psychologically tortures her sister. Isolation, abuse and hatred spew forth from Jane. As you can see this is not a film for the light hearted.

We hope that this doesn't happen between any sisters in our society. We do know however that something similar does happen in one place to a lot of people. That place is our own mind. In these inner spaces thoughts of self doubt can invade, occupy and abuse us. They can live with us and the abuse can go on for years. A friend of ours suffers from self doubt. This is someone who is one of the most wonderful human beings you could meet. She is kind, caring and helpful. The sort of person who makes the world a better and brighter place. She shared with the writers how these self doubts affect her. This expresses too her courage and strength in being prepared to share. The following are her words.

"Self doubt to me is something that I would describe as a negative feeling."

"It makes me question everything that I am doing in a short period of time, why am I doing it, am I any good at what I do, can I change anything I am doing to make this horrible sickly feeling go away?"

"I feel very worthless at the moment, I feel like I am underachieving, and I am cross with myself for this."

"I feel worthless, out of my depth and very very lost!"

This friend suffers from thoughts which undermine her confidence and blind her to all the good she is and does. This is the iniquitous nature of self doubt. It is never a friend and always an enemy. We are not talking here about deciding whether we can do something or should. We mean an unwanted sense of unworthiness that paralyzes us and makes us feel and think the worst. It's something most human beings probably have at some times in their life.

In mythology we find some fascinating figures. There was the figure of Medusa in Greek mythology. She was a female creature with snakes as her hair. If you looked at her and she gazed at you, you would be turned to stone. In European myths there was also the creature called the basilisk. If the basilisk gazed at you it would bring death. To look at Medusa or the basilisk wasn't something we would advise. These thoughts of self doubt are the mental equivalent of Medusa and the basilisk. They freeze us and psychologically slay us. They rob us of life, energy and hope. In the film the one who should have cared for her sister became her tormentor. These thoughts of self doubt are our bad sisters. And we need to find ways to deal with them.

Some people need counselling or therapeutic help with this. Others may be able to create their own strategies on the ground to work through this. We would like to recommend two practices that may help. They are based on our friends experience. They may not be for you so maybe talk them through with a GP or professional first. The first one is to go easy. It's very easy to get into a battle with these awful thoughts. To fight them and try to beat them back. This approach while understandable can easily backfire. The more fire we aim at them the stronger they get. It's as if these thoughts absorb whatever is aimed at them. They get more ingrained and deep seated that way. Our friend records this phenomena, "the more I fight it the harder it becomes to control." So to step back, try to relax, let go and find a place of being at ease will put one in a good place to address the problem. A parallel might be if we have to face a person we are in dispute with and have a discussion with them about the conflict. It's much worse if we approach the meeting full of anger, resentment and thoughts of lashing out. Being calm, collected and in control is best from all points of view. Likewise to go calm puts us in the best position.

The other practice is to look towards the sun not the shadows. We don't mean this literally. We mean focus not on the negative self doubts but rather on positives either within or outside us. Rather than allow the shadows to surround and engulf us we look to where the light is. Our friend spoke of "lots of happy thoughts always do me the world of good." Exactly. This is creating new inner hardware for the mind. It is creating new patterns and connections. It links us to the good and the best. It gives us hope and ideas for the future. Focusing on the good and happy can be a good way to sow seeds to undermine the weeds of self doubt. It's like a dark room. We din't have to push out the darkness. We have to rather turn on a light and the darkness goes.

These bad sister thoughts can plague many but there is recovery and hope. Self doubt is an old problem for our race. Shakespeare wrote about it, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

We hope you take from this post that these 'Baby Jane' thoughts can be dispelled although it might take time. We conclude by dedicating this post article to our friend. We thank her for courage and sharing with us. She later let us know she was feeling somewhat better. We believe her words here will touch and help many. And that's what human life and goodness are all about.

John Walsh. Support Manager. York Street Health Practice  

Louise Goodyear. Student Nurse. Wolverhampton University 

A step forward, a step up

Roz Davies has helped me recently in writing posts by providing inspirational thoughts and feedback. I recently noticed on Roz's Twitterfeed, "You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step" by Martin Luther King. Each of the three sentences were drawn onto a step of a staircase. I saw the words and the arrangement and had the feeling of seeing and understanding something and yet seeing something and not understanding something. It was a moment of paradox. It was recognising what the words meant yet sensing a meaning not apparent initially to the rational mind. I have thought about these words and they echo two messages to me. This post will try to write them and share them. One is a common and valuable life lesson. The other is a deeper and potent life call.

The whole staircase could be a metaphor for many things. It could be a course we are doing. It could be a tough time at work. It could be life itself. Lots of possibilities. We are not asked here by the Dr King to look at the whole picture or walk the whole staircase. We are encouraged to focus our energies and work elsewhere. That is to just take the first step. We can be put off if we consider how much work, hassle and stress a journey or staircase walk might entail. We may feel fearful, unequipped or tempted to give up. The quote tells us not to enter the region of fearful 'If's' and instead take that first step or next step. Rather than locking oneself in a mental prison we are challenged to action. To take the next step.

A wise man once said that if we live to a ripe old age we may look back on our life and see two truths. The first is that 90 - 95 % of the things we have worried about have not happened. The remaining few percent have but somehow we found the strength and help to get through.  Don't we often do and believe the opposite? That all our fears and imagined difficulties will materialise? That we won't be able to work them out?  The quote offers us a way to align ourselves with reality rather than negative frames. We are to live in the present and do the next thing. We are not even being asked to take the next five steps. Only the next one. The step is also way to preserve and strengthen our own integrity. We can be tempted to compromise or even betray our values. By focusing on just the next step rather than the difficult staircase we can maintain our integrity. What is demanded is the courage to take the next step.      

  

The other thought was that this was not just about doing the next thing. It was possibly pointing to raising higher in our thoughts and perspectives. Taking the next step up. I can't write this without thinking of Einstein's comments about how "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." We have to go somewhere else to resolve what stands in front of us. On this basis it is the movement or shifts in consciousness that allow us to see problems anew and perceive new solutions. How often we use old systematic thinking to solve new and old problems and we find we can't. There is a crying need for fresh eyes, new minds and open hearts to work collaboratively on what the solutions may be. One of the most dynamic of these frameworks is the work done by my dear colleague and friend Dr Maxine Craig on dialogic change. This practice offers the possibility of shared and emerging safe spaces and conversations as responses to issues. It expresses co-learning, inclusion and where consciousness may start to move onto and into new spaces. solutions and stories.

The words of Einstein also resonate with the work of Carl Jung. Jung thought that we need this shift when we face issues and journeys. He wrote the following rich call, "The greatest and most important problems of life are all in a certain sense insoluble…. They can never be solved, but only outgrown." This ‘outgrowing’, as I formerly called it, on further experience was seen to consist in a new level of consciousness. Some higher or wider interest arose on the person’s horizon, and through this widening of view, the insoluble problem lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its own terms, but faded out when confronted with a new and stronger life-tendency.' It is in growing that we solve. It is in rising to and into new stories and frames that we can experience a problem losing it's power and new vistas appearing. The staircase then takes on a new dimension too. It is a symbol of our inner journey to transformation and ' a new level of consciousness'

There are a number of fascinating studies on this theme. Kate Cowie, Ken Wilber, Robert Kegan, Jean Piaget and Bernadette Roberts all have worked to map out these levels of development in consciousness. Kate Cowie describes it as "A journey into oneself.....The growth of consciousness : the growth of you." The next step is really our journey to wholeness and self discovery. The nest step is a step to life, being and creativity. It is the move from who we see ourselves at the moment to be to who we are really are and can be. From the present to the potential.

How do we take this step up?  There are three clues in this writing. There are not clues because I have hidden them there. I have just seen them myself. I will run through them briefly. The first is inspiration. Roz's kindness in providing the quotes and reflection starts and sustains the process of unpacking their message and call. We all as human beings need inspiration. Without it we wilt and suffer interior decay. The second is what Maxine's dialogic work expresses. With others - together thinking, being and learning. A commonality and openness to life and growth. This points to how others can support our growth into new domains. Although others can support  the journey, it is all about us holding our own destiny in our hands. It is about having responsibility for ourselves and the life choices we must make. Transformation is about responsibility but always responsibility for service. . The last one is the power of words. In the stories we grew up with there was often a magic word that opens a door to where the hero or heroine wish to go. Ali Baba's 'Open Sesame' is possibly the most famous. Words spoken from deep places through the heart connect with us and raise us up the vision and inspiration. These are transformation experiences. These words are magic in that they somehow open the entrance to inner treasure. The amazing thing is that we can not only hear these words and let them work in us. We can also become the ones who speak them. Then we become the holders and sharers of wisdom and life giving words. There's a lot more in a step than one might think!

John Walsh. Support Manager. York Street Health Practice. Leeds Community Healthcare NHS Trust

The oyster and the pearl

We all recognise the value and necessity of good self esteem. We all can see how low self worth can stop us believing, acting and changing. Beliefs about 'I can't' or 'I won't be able to' are mental shackles that bind us to the present limitations and close off possibility and the future. Lack of self worth can lead to illness, tiredness and always thinking the worst of ourselves. In this post we will look  at self worth and ask what it consists of and how we can focus it on. We will offer some thoughts. We know that not all will agree. That's fine. This is an area where we need dialogue and exchange. We don't claim to hold absolute answers but hope there is something of value in what we write.  

We will take as our starting point the words of the Sufi writer, Rumi, "What strikes the oyster shell does not damage the pearl". This is a deep and wise saying. What does it means? The oyster is our surface life. This means our likes and dislikes, our emotions, body, mind and preferences. It also could include what we connect with externally and our possessions. These are part and parcel of our life. They are important and need to be nurtured and nourished. Yet Rumi tells us there is something else. There is a pearl. In history people have called this by different names: the real or true self, the soul, the deep or intuitive mind,the spirit, the heart and many more. It refers to that central essence of us that might call our life or being. There is in us a deep source and this is the place where our deepest gifts and existence seem to rise from. Rumi's message is that while the oyster may be struck by illness, pain, self doubt or life experience the inner essence remains. The pearl shines and remains unharmed. To us this offers a wonderful picture of authentic self worth.

The outer may change. We may even sadly lose some things we love and depend on. Our feelings may go up and down but the centre of our being which is life, wonder and creativity remains. Self worth then is all about celebrating the oyster and holding it but fundamentally more. It is a call to see and value the pearl. The strength of this position is that it means our self worth is not based on what we do or who we know but on who and what we are. It also means that we are all amazing wonderful beings born of a universe which is too marvellous to fathom . Werner Heisenberg, the Nobel Prize winner for physics notes, "Not only is the universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think." It's sometimes the case that wonderful people can't see their wonder. Instead an illusion of low self worth lives and moves in their minds. This is a real conundrum. It may be explained by negative conditioning and experiences. The difficulty is in how the good comments and reflections of friends and loved ones seem to bounce off. Perhaps this shows how the deep the lack of self worth is. It may also reflect something else. We may be looking in the wrong place for self worth. Focusing on the oyster for our self worth rather than the pearl. If we focus on the passing and temporary we may soon get disappointed. For example if we focus on feelings we may end up on a sea saw - one day feeling good and the next not. If our self worth is based on money or fame what happens if we don't have them or lose them? Our self worth will disappear too. If we base it on the oyster shell we may end up with a self worth that either isn't there or can easily disappear. If we focus on the pearl we may find we have a centre for self worth and self well-being based on being itself - who we are in the depths.

The famous existentialist philosopher Jean Paul Sartre spoke about being, having and doing. We would see being as the base of self worth and having and doing as its handmaids. The error in our opinion is that often make having and doing the base and foundation rather than the pure expressions they are mean't to be. Having and doing won't provide deep self worth. They will support it and express it. So being - our centre and life is the principle of real self worth.

We realise we are walking into philosophical territory here so perhaps a story might help our words. The story is a real one and is about a man called Peter. Peter suffered from chronic lack of self worth. He doubted himself and saw himself deep down as useless, worthless and less than all. He held a series of beliefs that confirmed this for him. When things went wrong he would beat himself up mercilessly. Peter was a man of great kindness and compassion but not to himself. When things went good and people said nice things he always batted them away, never accepting the compliment. It's a sad story. Peter today is a person who values his self worth. His friends and colleagues would never think the above description was ever him. And in a sense it wasn't. For Peter's discovery of his worth and glory has remade him into a new person. What supported Peter on this journey was to become aware of the pearl. He knew that his self esteem could not depend fundamentally on money, status, success or feelings. He saw over a period that deep down he was amazing and good. And not only him but everyone was the same. That was really good transforming news. When people say to him 'You're amazing Peter!' He now says, 'Thank you. We all are amazing  - it's just that we don't see it' Peter built his self worth on the pearl not the shell. This building led him to value and appreciate the shell in new and fresh ways.

We should focus on the visible and external aspects of life as well as the inner centre. The question is how we can live on the surface from the depths of our being. Often we live on the surface from the surface. It is the depths  - the deep - where we find the creativity, energies and potency that can make all things new. Peter found it. We hope we all can.

John Walsh. Support Manager. York Street Health Practice 

Louise Goodyear. Student Nurse. Wolverhampton University 

Autumn is in the air

In my travels around the health centres, doctor’s surgeries and leisure centres across West Leeds last week, I noticed there is a definite autumnal feel in the air, with lots of brown crisp leaves getting blown into the health centre corridors.

I keep telling my clients that it’s a great time to stop smoking because the weather is on the turn and it is getting chillier so who wants to be stood outside smoking and shivering when they could be inside all cosy and warm. If that's not enough of an incentive, the money they could save could help them pay for Christmas. A 20 a day smoker could save over £500 over the weeks between now and Christmas. 

As well as quitting smoking to help improve lifestyle, our Healthy Lifestyle Service is on hand to support with other areas ( The Healthy Living Service is a city-wide service, you can find out more here ). At the start of October, we, the Stop Smoking Service, opened our first joint clinic with the Health Lifestyle Service. For the first time, people can come along to Armley Moor Health Centre on a Wednesday and get help with stopping smoking, advice on healthy lifestyle changes like diet, exercise and reducing alcohol consumption in one location. People can see our Stop Smoking Advisors, Emily and Emma, or our Healthy Lifestyle Practitioner, Tash. This is a truly is a holistic approach and one stop shop to a healthier lifestyle for the West Leeds community. New people are invited to come along at 6:50 pm and returning clients sessions run between 5:30pm and 6:45pm.

If you want to find out more about where the nearest clinic is for you, please get in touch, call 0113 843 4537.

Maree Diamond

Stop Smoking Advisor